Monday, June 22, 2009


Hey blogsville, i'm very excited because this is my first post. I don't know if i'll get bored with this soon or if i'll be here for a while but since i'm here and body dey scratch me, make i gist una small.

Yesterday my nephew called me. Alarm bells! since when bobo dey pick up fone say he wan hear my voice? anyway, i sha pick up the fone. Bobo talk come this side, talk go that side, con talk come this side again. Yawa don gas be that

"Bobo, wetin dey happen?"

"Nuthin really"

I hear you! the last time wen "nuthin" happen, na your mama headlight scatter.

"Err...okay. so, whassup?"

"Aunty Stori, i be need some cash"

Heh heh! But pikin of these days nor dey sabi use diplomacy sha!

"Cash err? Ask mumsi na, i sure say she go give you"


"How how much you dey find sef?"

"Like about, $350"

Heheheheheheheheeheeeheeeheeeeheeeeee! see this pikin o! i resemble bank of America abi? see he mouth like,about $350. but come first o, these children of these days nor dey fear face o. if i be try that one with any of my brothers, dem for slap me turn by turn! no joke.

"Wetin you wan use that kain money take do?"

", when i was at school, err...i was reading my book, mr james was teaching, phone rang, i went to go and pick it up, and err...when i came back, my err...ipod wasn't there anymore"

All this big grammar to cover your fuck up abi?

"Your ipod? the same one wen your mama buy for you last month?"


E don finish for you this boy. Aunty A go treat your fuck up big time. I remember wen this boy nor go let person ear rest with this he ipod. Na only this thing be touchscreen, handsfree, iphone, videogame, computer. all the orishirishi dey inside. Because of this ipod, bobo nor eat lunch for skool for almost three months. na so he go come house come dey eat like who dem don starve for one year. He never use the thing reach one month, na e don lost so. Big fuck up!

"You look for am well well?"


"And you nor find am?"


"You ask your classmates?"


"Wetin dem talk?"

"Dem say dem nor see anything"

E don happen be that na, abi? Wen the classmate say dem nor see anything. Wetin you wan do pass that one? If na Nja we dey, boys for don wele those he classmates for road collect the yeye ipod. But na America we dey abi? And if you say make dem check everybody trouser pocket, next thing wen you go dey hear na say dem wan sue you for sexual harrassment and abuse. na wetin we go do then?

But seriously sha, Nja process too easy mehn! which reminds me of my first year, last semester in uniben. My eye never too strong for the skool but e nor soft too. So as a year one student, i manage hustle one spot for hall one. i dey my small corner dey mind my business but bcos na me be the youngest for the room, (of 13 roomates)some of dem wan use me play football. Hehehe, dem forget say na warri babe dem dey deal with.

The last week of classes, wen everybody food don finish, so tey no groundnut to take soak garri or even yam to take drink the palm oil, i carry my self go empty my bank account take go buy chicken! chicken for end of semester! those of una wen don go or still dey go skool for Nja know wetin i mean. Na big deal o! So like i was saying, i carry my self go buy chicken, chei! from Oba market. i carry this chicken come room, cook am with better jollof rice. I con serve food for all those my many rommates, con even save some for the ones wen nor dey room that time! Stori, you be mumu in those days sha!

Before i talk go far, make i digress say like a month ago i be just bu y one new fone. Samsung something, i forget. So, na so i cook this food finish. Everybody eat. But you know how sleep take dey catch person once you eat finish? na so sleep take carry me go. i sleep con leave my fone for on top bed. I nor sleep tey sha bcos i get exam that afternoon. Na so i wake up, wear dress, carry my bag say make i dey go class. I con put my hand on top bed say make i carry my fone na, but the fone don carry leg waka! see me see wahala o! Na so i look up, look down, i nor see the thing.

i scatter the bed, remove the bedspread, commot the mattress, nothing happen. My roomates start to ask me wetin dey happen, na i tell dem say i nor fit find my fone, but because i don dey late, i go waka go class come back, but make dem help me look for am.

I go class come back, the fone never waka come back. My blood begin start to dey boil! I ask everybody wen dey the room before i fall asleep that time, "una see my fone?" All of dem na the same answer "no o!". Make i nor lie sha, but as a babe, cry con begin dey catch me na i waka go calling center go call my brother. Na so he shout for me heh, but by the time wen i talk to am finish, i con get mind. Na so i waka go my room for night, wake everybody wen dey sleep, call the other ones wen nor dey room come.

Na so i voke go here, voke go there. I con even use ayelala (Benin babalawo) take threaten them. Before i sleep that night, i tell dem say if i nor see my fone the next morning, na police station their mama go find dem. Na i go bed. All this while dem don dey quarrel between theirself. For night as i dey sleep, i con dey hear my roomates voices as dem dey fight.

Na so i take wake up. I con see my fone for bed but my other roomates don dey beat up one girl, Cy.

"CY!!! OLE!!! THIEF!!! So na you thief Stori fone eh?! THIEF!!!

The way dem start to beat the girl eh? You nor go believe say na this same girl some of them dey borrow rice or egg from. I con even get to step in save the girl o! Make man pikin nor die for my head. Anyways, CY never came back the next year. At least, I never saw her again. Good ridiance to bad rubbish I guess.